How to come out as transgender

Tips for coming out as transgender to parents or friends or just some creative ways to do it. We got you covered!

Coming out as a transgender may become one of the biggest and most emotional steps in your life. Be sure – you are not alone! All the feelings, doubts, and fears are so normal, but the most important is to stay calm, confident and start this coming out journey step by step. So, how to prepare for coming out? How to come out to yourself, before revealing your true identity to others? How to explain others what it means to be trans? And why this is so important to YOU to break free out of your inner jail when you are not you.

How to explain yourself being transgender?

Before coming out as trans to anyone else, it is important to know how to come out as trans to yourself. Being transgender is not a choice. Being transgender is understanding that the gender to which you were born does not fit you. Wanting to feel comfortable and free in your own body is totally normal and should be encouraged. It doesn’t matter what all the rest of the world will think about you. It is your life! 

When does the realization of being transgender begin? The change of your identity will not happen in one day – it is not likely that you will wake up in the morning and feel a completely different person than yesterday. The concept of identity is much more complicated. The first sign of gender dysphoria is feeling uncomfortable in your own body. Even gender-inclusive clothing can make you feel like it’s not the real you. You can feel unhappy when being referred to as boy/girl, man/woman, wrong pronounces can trigger you. In other words, your outside look does not match your inside feeling. Secondly, being in a situation of not being able to express yourself in the way you want to, can seriously damage your mental health, especially if you have to repress the real you for a long time. Don’t do it to yourself! There is no shame in coming out transgender! Coming out as trans and admitting yourself who you are, will be the best decision in your life. 

Transgender people often ask themselves “Why am I trans?” but it cannot be explained in one or two sentences. Some biological factors may be included (e.g., genetic influences, prenatal hormone levels), experiences in adolescence or adulthood, or you can simply feel a strong feeling about being different. It is extremely important to understand that in some cases person’s gender identity doesn’t match their biology. In other words, gender identity is different than the sex assigned to a person at birth. It is obvious - no specific reason for being transgender could be defined as the most expected because all of them are equal in importance. 

Never forget – your gender identity is part of you, and you should feel totally okay being yourself. 

How long does it take to come out as transgender?

how long does it take to come out as transgender

Coming out transgender is a frightening and confusing experience for trans people. That’s why some people are hiding their feelings and facing the truth seems frightening. Other transgender people recognize their gender identity and feel completely sure about their decision to make huge changes in their lives. Due to these differences between people, it is not possible to tell how long it takes to come out as transgender. Transgender people come out during all stages of their lives when they reach a point when they feel completely ready. This can happen at any time — when people are children or teens; when they’re seniors; when they’re married or single; when they have children of their own, and much more. Finally, the disclosure allows them to break free and start a new joyful chapter with no anxiety.


How to come out as trans to your parents and family

Transgender people, especially at a young age, face one of their biggest fears – to come out as trans to their parents, family members, friends, and other people, who are close to them. Coming out as a trans to people you care about is such an enormous step in your life and it’s totally normal to feel worried. Family and friends are the closest people and we care what do they think about us. Many transgender people are afraid of being rejected by parents and feeling like an “outcast”. But you should never forget that it is worth risking for a brighter future and life with no lies, depression, anxiety. Remember, that you are still the same person who they love and care for, no matter what is your identity. There is no right or wrong time to come out as a transgender. It is only your decision when is the best time to come out. Unfortunately, there are no rules on how to come out in a “correct way”, but we have some tips here, that can help you to feel more assured when coming out as transgender:

Tips for coming out:

• Give yourself time. There is no need to hurry. Take your time and reconsider what exactly are you going to say. The time and place, where are you going to talk about your situation, are important as well.

• It is always easier to start a conversation with a supportive, positive and friendly person. Before telling anyone about you coming out as trans, think about all the people around you and decide which of them you trust the most. Maybe you have a deep connection with your mother, best friend, sister, or even neighbor? Think about it and come out to that person first. You will feel more confident in yourself after the successful conversation, and it will be much easier to talk to other people later. 

• Be ready to answer different kinds of questions about coming out as trans, your feelings, emotions, even future. If you are not ready to answer, or just don’t know what to say – it is totally okay. You shouldn’t feel bad or uncomfortable. You can always answer when you are ready.

• Some transgender people choose writing instead of talking. You can always feel free to write a letter or an email.  

• Never forget - coming out as transgender is huge news to your parents, family members, friends, classmates, and other people. Some people may accept the new information with no issues, for others, it may take some time to understand what you have convinced them. Unfortunately, but some people will react negatively, or even deny everything they have heard from you. Be patient. Give them the time they need.

• People are used to your name and pronouns, so it may take some time for them to start calling you in the right way and not making mistakes when referring to you.

• Not everybody will react negatively to your changes. Life and people are full of surprises, and some of them may surprise you with their empathy, acceptance, and openness.

Trans coming out letter

Sometimes it is easier to choose to write a letter instead of talking with other people in person. If you feel uncomfortable while speaking – writing a letter is a perfect option. You can put all your thoughts in one place with no additional pressure or rush. You can just pick the right time, cozy place, bring a cup of tea or coffee, and let your thoughts flow. Try to think about the person you are writing to. You can imagine he or she is sitting in front of you. There are no rules about what should be included in the letter. Feel free to write everything you want. You can always mention how much your beloved people are important to you, why have you decided to write a letter (or an email) instead of talking eye to eye. You can share your feelings with them, your plans for the future, your hopes. You can always mention why it is important to feel accepted by them. 

If you are not sure how to start, here are some examples that can be a nice guide to you:

Creative ways to come out as trans

Trans laughing

I never would have made it if I could not have laughed. It lifted me momentarily out of this horrible situation, just enough to make it livable.” - VIKTOR FRANKL

If you overthink too much or feel too scared to come out to other people – find creative ways to come out as trans. It is always a good idea to look at your situation with some fun and to minimize all the tension. If you are out of creative ideas, don’t worry, we got your back! For example, you can bake a beautiful rainbow cake or get a rainbow tattoo. Use your imagination! If you need more inspiration, you can always visit websites like these:

Remember that you should never give up! The beginning is always the hardest. Go ahead and step into the new life. You are not alone and a lot of people are there to help you.

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